'Fifty Shades' of a kinky sex revolution? Maybe not

What's happening to the sex lives of American women when an erotic trilogy focused on kinky sex becomes a top seller? The trilogy of books have received national attention for their popularity and subject matter.

The books in question explicitly describe bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism (BDSM) as a relationship unfolds between recent college graduate Anastasia Steele and handsome young billionaire entrepreneur Christian Grey, who wants her to share his secret dominant/submissive sexual proclivities.

British writer E.L. James' Fifty Shades of Grey," "Fifty Shades Darker" and "Fifty Shades Freed" took the top three spots in USA TODAY's Best-Selling Books list, out today. The first book has been in the No. 1 spot for three weeks. It has been banned from library shelves across Florida and Georgia and parodied on "Saturday Night Live."

"It's challenging for many people to define what a BDSM behavior is," says Debby Herbenick, an educator at the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction at Indiana University- Bloomington.

The spectrum ranges from "handcuffs and little devices meant for spanking and things like that" to more extremes involving real pain.

Experts say that a big part of BDSM involves role-playing and an exchange of power. So how many people are tying up their partners or brandishing riding crops behind closed doors?

And is it OK?

"I would certainly say millions of people participate in it," Herbenick says, but there are no good numbers because no large national surveys have asked.

Don't call it 'mommy porn'

"We hear fairly often that the estimate on prevalence of BDSM is one in 10. We don't know whether or not that's accurate," says clinical psychologist Peggy Kleinplatz, a certified sex therapist and professor of medicine at University of Ottawa in Canada.

Susan Wright of Phoenix, founder of the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, an advocacy group, says the trilogy shows BDSM "in a very responsible way," citing the "extended discussion about what each character wants from the sexual relationship, with great examples of 'hard limits' but also compromises."

She says, however, that the term "mommy porn" some have used to describe the books is "another way of denigrating women's interest in sexuality."

Despite the heroine's sexual submissiveness and some anti-feminist sentiments, there's "nothing gender-subversive in the book," says Staci Newmahr, an assistant professor of sociology at Buffalo State College in New York.

"In regular vanilla eroticism, women are supposed to want dominant, rich men. This is 'Cinderella-kinky,' " says Newmahr, author of 'Playing on the Edge: Sadomasochism, Risk, and Intimacy.'

"It surprises me that an erotic book is a best seller in this country, but if there's going to be one, it does not surprise me this kinky twist on Harlequin romance is it, because the characterization of what's erotic is so consistent with what's supposed to be erotic for women and men in this country."

Sallie Foley, a certified sex therapist and educator in Ann Arbor, Mich., says James shows "a woman being strong in her capacity to knowingly submit."

In the end, it's a fantasy

"More people will realize it's OK to explore this and have a fantasy life," says Foley, author of "Sex Matters for Women." "It doesn't mean in any way women want to give up the vote."

But just how emotionally safe is BDSM?

"The mantra of the BDSM world is 'safe, sane and consensual,' " says Kleinplatz, author of "New Directions in Sex Therapy: Innovations and Alternatives," a second edition out in March. To the extent that's followed, "they are not harmful."

Herbenick says that as with any sexual behavior, the key is "how you do it, under what circumstances you do it and how you feel about it. Nobody should engage in (it) if they don't want to or if they don't feel good about it."

But Foley says there are emotional risks. "If you're doing it to be liked, to be loved, in order for your boyfriend to pay the rent, or if you're doing it because you think that's what's expected of you but it's psychologically not comfortable for you, it could be potentially quite harmful for you," she says.

Clinical psychologist and sex therapist Barry McCarthy of Washington, D.C., says ongoing relationships do have trouble keeping alive that sense of "eroticism, unpredictability and vitality," which may be why the books could be spicing up sex lives across the USA.

But he cautions that fantasy and behavior are different.

"For most people, the erotic fantasy is better as a fantasy," he says, because acting it out may make them "feel self-conscious and intimidated."

Despite "Fifty Shades'" popularity, Herbenick, author of "Sex Made Easy," out last month, says she doesn't expect lots of people to "engage in hard-core BDSM as a result of the book.

"I do not expect massive changes in the bedrooms across America," she says.

by Sharon Jayson - May. 10, 2012 11:41 AM USA TODAY




'Fifty Shades' of a kinky sex revolution? Maybe not